This day started out very much routine for me at the Scholl Bus. Chas and the girls are having fun with her mom, while I am here with the bus in the NC mountains. I have been working in the bus a little, helping my dad at Scholl Engine Shop as we work on some whistles, as you may have seen in a previous post. I have also been working on my truck, and repairing another truck for a friend.
I realize that not everyone will admit laughing at the following scenario. Some may think it is inappropriate, therefore, if you are easily offended feel free to stop reading this post now. I am trying to convey the following story in a way that is not intended to offend, but merely offer a glimpse at something that could happen to anyone. If it happens to you, maybe you will remember that you are not the only one in history that has gone down this path. I am going to step out on a limb and say that no one has ever followed the same thought process that I did on that fateful afternoon.
Now for the details of the days events, don’t worry it doesn’t take too long to get interesting. I drove to the next county to install the new clutch in the truck I have been working on. I had to leave my friends farm a little after lunch to run an errand in town. On my way to town, the unthinkable began to transpire. I had a sharp pain in my stomach, followed by some serious cramping. The pain went away quickly, but a few seconds later it hit me again, and much worse this time. My first thought was “boy I hope I can make it the next couple of miles to town with no interruptions, I need a bathroom quick.”
Just as I come to the top of the last mountain, and can see the edge of town, an 18 wheeler was stopped in the road trying to back onto a side road. I was feeling a little desperate at this point, but there was no way around and I could tell I couldn’t wait much longer. My thoughts quickly shifted from “accident prevention” to “Damage Control”. What tools did I have in the truck that could help me with this dilemma? The first thing I could see that may prove useful, a large glass cookie jar that is supposed to be making its way to our storage unit. I quickly decided against this option, I didn’t want to be the guy in the emergency room due to severe cuts from sitting on a shattered pile of glass. The next option was to pull over to the side of the road, hop out and let ‘er fly. I talked myself out of this due to the number of people on the golf course, not to mention the law suits that may follow due to “mental anguish and/or trauma”. The next item in the back seat suddenly jumped out as a valuable tool in this situation. Now, not everyone carries one of these around, but I happen to have one in the back seat, and it is staring me in the watery eyes. An alligator shaped inflatable raft, that happened to be deflated and rolled up on the seat. Perfect, I jerked it off of the back seat and unroll it, sliding it under my rear end to protect my nice drivers seat from catastrophic sphincter failure. Just in time too, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at my new predicament.
The truck finally moved off of the highway, so I rolled on in to the closest place with a public restroom. As I parked, I kept thinking of anything else I could do to make the situation roll along more smoothly. I remembered I had a utility knife in my tool box so I grabbed that and proceeded to waddle to the facilities. Upon sitting down to complete my mission, I used the knife to cut the legs of my boxers making them easy to remove without having to strip down. The damaged goods were deposited into the trash can, neatly folded, on my way out.
I decided I didn’t want to continue working on the truck without a “first line of defense” so I jumped in the truck and headed to a local store to buy some new boxers. I completed my errand and managed to get back to the truck and get the transmission mounted. The funny looks on my friends face when I told him about my ordeal made me decide to go public with this adventure. A good laugh can always help brighten someones day, so here you go… Laugh it up at my expense. I am just thankful the extra strain while installing the transmission in the truck didn’t initiate an encore performance.
By the way, unlike my previous short story Teenagers, Gotta Love ‘Em, this is sadly a very real account of the days events. I did remember, after everything had run its course, to sanitize the vinyl alligator and neatly fold it and replace it in the back seat.
This is one of the only posts on our blog that did not include pictures… You’re Welcome…
Just remember, when it happens to you at the most un-expected moment, you are going to smile and wish you had an alligator raft too…